The Redskin Report

So Daniel Snyder has purchased Dick Clark Productions for a reported 175 million dollars (Dan, I’m willing to sell this site to you for about 1/1000th of that). That adds to Snyder’s growing portfolio which includes Six Flags, Johnny Rockets, XXX ESPN Radio and Tom Cruise. But everyone knows that the Redskins are Snyder’s baby, so how can the Skins benefit from these purchases?

• MI4: The Search for Southeast Jerome - Cruise and Clinton Portis’ alter egos star in the latest installment of the Mission Impossible series.
• Sean Taylor: The Roller Coaster - A new harrowing ride at Six Flags featuring all the ups and downs of Sean Taylor’s career. The experience includes bumps and turns on a steady rise up the ‘NFL ladder’ then the sudden drop when the referee throws a flag. Just you think the ride is about to end your car suddenly enters the twilight zone, where you are completely unreachable for off-season workouts. WARNING: Rule breakers are subject to large fines.
• So You Think You Can Dance - Redskins edition: featuring the Fun Bunch, Santana Moss and his shuffle, and the early favourite Ex-Redskin Robert Royal and his disturbing wiggle.
• Chris Samuels Pancakes - breakfast at Johnny Rockets
• $50,000 Pyramid Topic - Redskins QBs of the 90s

And that is that, I’ll leave the comedy to people who are actually funny next time, sorry! Feel free to leave any funnier ideas in the comments.