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Help Wanted

I have taken the liberty of creating of this job listing for the Redskins free of charge for a new position they apparently need filled:

The Washington Redskins, celebrating their 75th anniversary in the NFL, and one of the most celebrated franchises in the NFL are looking to add to their decorated coaching staff and fill the new position of

Time Management Coordinator

Duties of this new position will include:

  • Distribution of time-outs
  • The ability to yell into the head coaches headset to ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HURRY UP’ when the coaching staff into a 45 second conference to decide what to do on a 4th down play when the team only has a 40 second play clock to decide.
  • Control of the ‘challenge flag’ to prevent the team from making ridiculous challenges on every fumble that goes against the Redskins.
  • Take over decision making in the last two minutes of the 1st half, so our young QB can get some experience running a two minute drill in a non-pressure packed situation instead of kneeling and running draw plays every freaking time to run out the clock and then looking like he has no idea what he’s doing when we choke away another late lead and need to drive down the field to score with no timeouts because we blew them all on useless challenges and 4th down decisions where we couldn’t make up our mind.

To qualify for this position you should:

  • Be over sixty or relate well with old people.
  • Work well in groups, very large groups, in fact, the largest group in the NFL
  • Be ridiculously loyal to older players who’ve obviously lost it when there is a younger and better player waiting in the wings.
    Be a “True Redskin”.

Any interested parties should forward their resume to Redskins Park. We thank all applicants for their interest but only the super-smart will be contacted for interviews.

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5 Responses

  1. » The ‘Skins Aren’t Hiring, but They Should Be

    [...] This is sufficiently awesome. In the aftermath of Joe Gibbs‘ latest clock management blunderin’, The Redskin Report has taken up a cause Vinny Cerrato is apparently to busy for: writing up a job announcement for a Redskins Time Management Coordinator. [...]

  2. ProFootball24-7.com » The ‘Skins Aren’t Hiring, but They Should Be

    [...] This is sufficiently awesome. In the aftermath of Joe Gibbs‘ latest clock management blunderin’, The Redskin Report has taken up a cause Vinny Cerrato is apparently to busy for: writing up a job announcement for a Redskins Time Management Coordinator. [...]

  3. FOOTBALLGAB » Post Topic » The ‘Skins Aren’t Hiring, but They Should Be

    [...] This is sufficiently awesome. In the aftermath of Joe Gibbs‘ latest clock management blunderin’, The Redskin Report has taken up a cause Vinny Cerrato is apparently to busy for: writing up a job announcement for a Redskins Time Management Coordinator. [...]

  4. Ricker

    Why does my heart go on beating? Why do these eyes of mine cry? First of all let me say that I am a Joe Gibbs supporter, as should be others like B-Mitch, Doc-Walker and even dare I say John Riggins, because apparently they have forgotten why they are even in the “Media”. However 26-31 is not steller. When was the last time you saw Joe speak to a player during a game on the sideline? Hmm, never maybe? Why is that? Because he is not the coach he is a figure head, and he is blocking production of this team by sticking his nose in on critical situations when the momentum of a game is in the balance. He has made bad decisions, in the 4th qtr of almost every game. I am sorry Joe but either you let Saunders call all the plays or you get your ass off of the sidelines and go sit with Mr. Snyder in the box. That is all.

  5. kenney

    joe gibbs need to sign up for two more yrs!!!!!!!

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